i have a dream...

since young, i have a dream....
i dream of becoming firemen.
want to fight those flames and save countless of life.
admire their courage...

as i grown older, i have another dream...
i dream of becoming a special force personal.
wearing all those mask on the face one.
want to save life when it matter most or when i am called upon.
admire their calmness and their abilities to handle all kinds of situation.

And i have been dreaming of being the first singaporean to captain the soccer national team and hold the world cup trophy.
however, my dream was destroyed no long after that.
cuz my mum objects me being a soccer player.

few more digit add to my age, i have other dream...
i dream of becoming a successful person.
it've always being my dream to leave my name in the history book.
no matter what i do, i just want to leave my name in the history for good.
beside leaving my name in the history book...
i was also hoping that by being successful...
i will have respectable status and the power.
by then i will have the influence to change things in many lives.
such as some decision to make their life better.
and other reason for being successful...
is to let my family and the ppl around me live well...
just hoping i am able to provide them well for their daily living...
and able to buy things which they want...

when i grown up, i have one more dream...
i dream of everything being simple.
dream of a world that contain happiness...

i always have dream all the long...
i always vision me in that time when i reached my goals.

however...
now i simply lack the courage to dream anymore...
unable to visiualise anymore.
what happen?

forcing to change my mindset...
it's not good...
not good for me.

everyone need goals/dream or belief to keep them going for their daily life.
i need one too.

searching for one now.... :)

we can't predict what will happen in the future...
so what can we do?
everything might happen so suddenly...

tis is what i get from todae episode from healing hands 3...
definitely a gd show!
never watch the series before....
however after watching for quite a sometimes for this series...
i feel that this series want to let us noe an illness that everyone might get.
it is called depression.
dunnoe how to say after watching...
sometimes the words they used make me reflect after watching.

it is hard sometimes in life.

sometimes i tend to wonder...
why some people's life is so good and why some is not...
hmmm.....
it is a question....
that i have no ans...
and i noe that i will get an ans in my life....


todae i thought i saw "u"...
walk closely then realise....
i make a mistake.
wth...!
then keep stare at the person...

strangly too...
have been dreaming of "u" recently...
dunnoe wat happen... :(

arggz....update again..!
suddenly dun have any inspiration or the feeling to write.
:)

for you...

till now,
i still simply lack the courage to find out how u doing recently. :(
althought everything is different now,
or maybe even in the future...
i still do care alot.

dunnoe the reason why...
i still care. :)

hmm...
maybe we used to be....
dunnoe...
i dunnoe...

hmmm...
no matter what happen,
stay calm...
everything will be fine just like how i assume u everytime...
and remember...
stay happy always.
keep smiling... :)
tis is the only thing i used to always ask from you.
now...
tis is the only thing i always hope to see.

althought now i lack the courage to noe...
it's ok! i just hope...only. :)

no worry!
hmmm... i am doing fine. :)

i am still learning...
i am still getting used to...
soon...
soon...

* pray hard for everyday there will be at least a smile on your face.

:)

long entry....

nowsday i have been trying to find someting for me to look forward to.
like a simple dinner with family is also something i look forward to everytime...
i treasure every moment when my family gather...
all of us have grown up...
maybe it's harder for us to gather.
everyone have their own thing to do or busy with...
i believe as time pass, as we grown older...
the times spent together will be lesser...
especially if my parent leave the world.
and each of us have own family...
will we still gather and have a simple dinner?
will the three of us still like when we are children play around and gather often?
i dunnoe...
but i hope so...

i dun want to lose any loves one around me.
i simply can't afford it...
dunnoe wat will happen to me if i lose anyone of them...
this is why everytime before i slp,
i pray for their well being...
i pray for them to live longer and healthier...
willing to exchange anything for their happiness. :)
i am contented when my loves one is happy and smiling.
i values relationship alot.

maybe i should learnt to let go easily...
maybe i should learnt to accept the truth...
maybe i should learnt to look forward...
maybe...
maybe...
to let myself feel better.
Will i able to learnt it? :)

dun want to have reget in future..
so i treasure....

i hate reget...

when we are young, we hope we can grow older and become adult...
but when we are adult, we hope we can go back and become the child we used to be. :)
complicated mind...!

sometimes i feel that i dun mind become "ah wang"
although he is mentally not sound...
but he can bring happiness to everyone around him...
he is easily contented. :)
simple...

i like to keep thing to myself...
hmmm...cant say i like...
just that can't really find someone to talk with..
maybe i am used to it...
i just like to be alone sometimes...
but not always...

person around u really can affect u...
i used to be a mentally strong person...
but wat happen for the past few yrs...
the person close to me have extremely negative thought...
directly or indirectly have affected me...
i am used to have this thinking le...
but i believe i am able to go back to the person i used to be.

until now, then i find sleeping is really important.
havent been slping well for the past few yrs...
have really seriously affected my daily life and performance.
strongly believe this is the main reason of why i have been always low.
i noe...
i noe that one day when i am able to slp good and well continuously...
i will be back...
back stronger...
tis is wat i feel...
i am going to pay back to my sleeping master.
own him too much...

i want to be my own hero...
i can be my own hero...
i will be my own hero.. :)
a matter of time...
soon...

so many natural disasters going on...
is this a sign of world end?
let's pray hard and hope the well-being of everyone.
let's work hard together for the benefit of our next generation.
everything will be fine soon....
hoping...
praying...
let everyone's face be a smiling one.
not worry, not saddness.


晴天 阴天 今天又是星期天
唯一的打算是醒得晚一些
反正我不知道怎样打发时间
出门或不出门 没差别

those words above is from todae song of the day.
just find it say out my feeling...
really....
touched....!


song of the day...
蔡依林- 一个人

sat noon...

in camp now...
unable to slp now.

will be setting up my own personal website soon... :)
currently in process...

i must admit i adapt thing or whatever slower than anyone...
since young till now...
it always have been this case.
during pri school,
i start to adapt on my second yrs.
and this is when i begin my active school life.
start joining track and field..
going field camp etc.

then for sec school,
i first yrs unable to adapt to the new environment.
i start to run away from school.
almost everyday walking halfway to school...
i will start to turn my back and walk towards home.
i will then sit outside the house waiting for mum to come back from work.
but slowly, i begin to adapt to it...
then on sec 2..tis is the start of my real sec active life.
join track and field..npcc...sport leader etc.
particpate all the events in my school.

as for poly,
near the end of my second yrs,
i then start to mix and have fun with my classmates.
but by then, everything is too late.
left less than one yrs to go only.

after reflash back my memories,
i can concluded that i take around two yrs to adapt to new environment.
as for army, time is too short for me to adapt.
in the end, i am unable to prove my worth.
what is gd is that i adapt after 5 mths.
but everything is too late for me.
army life is ruined le.

i like to go through all the things...
cuz i would like to have the exp...
i want to change to a better man.

too bad...
i give up too easily.
my mental is weak currently.
i dun like...
i will change it. :)

we dun need any cartoon hero in real life.
Because one day, we might become our own hero. :)


song to share.... :)
Mariah Carey - I Stay In Love

what a day!

fri....
was having battalion half-day off.
however i take that time to go c doctor.
wanting to find out how come no matter how much i slp still tired.
it affect my daily life and performance alot... :(
it have been like this for many yrs le.
maybe i dunnoe how to help myself le.
going seek professional help.

the doctor insert a tube into my nose to find out what happen to me...
trying to find out whether there is something blocking my airway.
wth!!!!
it's extremely painful.
nevertheless i endure it through.
nothing much was found... -_-"

actually they intend to arrange a slping session for me in the hospital
which mean i require to slp in the hospital for one day to allow them to observe my sleeping pattern.

i not sure whether i want it.
cuz i noe tis is not the exact problem.
in the end i walk away....
maybe i am the only one that can solve the problem.
dumb!

sat...
went to driving lesson at the morning...
i was able to hit the road on tis day.
at first i was too nervous...
first time on the road with so many experienced gu lan driver.
do many mistakes...
hahhaa...but as i drive, i get the momentum...
i was able to drive like a experienced driver.
in the end the instructor was toking to me like no ppl business.
chatting with me abt army and his son...wth!!!
but i am glad that i learnt thing fast.
hope to get license soon...!! :)
wish me luck.

as for the second part of the day,
i went to cwp to buy present for ler.
it is her birthday todae.
bring one of my bmt bunk mates go along.
what strange is he dun even noe her.
hahaa...
but if not, i go there alone feel damn weird.
the birthday celebration is not bad.
her younger sis is active...
which is quite shock to me.
what suprise me the most is she know my name. ahahahaa.
but she too young le.

in less than one mth time will be 21st birthday.
noe that i wun hold a event or what on that day.
didn't carry much hope.
didn't wish for much...
didn't want to celebrate it.
to me,
birthday is like a normal day.
if everyone is granted a wish on their birthday,
i just wish that ppl around me will stay happy always.
no worry, no saddness. :)

my bmt bunk mates, le, just broke off with his gf.
a relationship that last for abt 2 yrs plus.
love is fragile.
i see the shadow of me in him.
almost exactly what happen to me happen to him.
just hope he will stay strong..
noe it is difficult...
i being in his shoes before.

is it so easy to say not love or love?
i dunnoe the ans...
maybe u have...

a girl can change her attitude 360 degree in one night.
make us unable to recognise them anymore.
when think of it,
it is so scary.

anyway, cheer to everyone. :)

life is bored...
nononon...
maybe i should say life is not bad.
:)

thinking

todae was doing ops...
unable to go hm...
making use of the free time think alot.

i have been highs and lows...
was quite shocked when think that i from a high mountain fall down to the pit.
never expect that.
alot of things have happened.
quite admire my determination...haha.. :)

however,
i finally admit lose.
i decided to see expertise to find out what's wrong with me.
i can't manage myself.

strange enough...
have been dreaming of you for the past few nites.
a little bit sweet...
a little bit bitter...
wake up realise now then is the real world. :(

didn't have the courage just to say i miss you.
silly...!
everything is over le. :)

.........

慢慢的，慢慢的
我想我会变成仙人掌 浑身上长满刺
但愿是那样
因为这不需要雨露滋润
我可以抱着一颗干涸的心
安然地活下去
在荒芜的沙漠

:)

wat happen to you?
hmm...i finally confessed.
I finally willing to seek help.

i managed to play a small part of the song on my guitar. :)
will carry on work on it.
want to play well.
wish me gd luck. :)

have been emo.
hahaa..i dunnoe y.
silly!

going aimlessly...
dunnoe...
where i am going...?

learning driving license recently...
dun want to drag anymore.

no matter how much i slp,
i still will feel tired after waking up.
wat happen to me?
seeking help....