Edge of Breakdown

I can't count how many days already have passed.
I don't dare to count one day by one day back.
Just too painful and lack the courage to do it.

Again is the courage thing. :(

Used to think blog is a waste of time. But blog to me now is a everyday routine. Hahaha. I don't know why. I have no idea too.

Almost breakdown today during work.
Wonder how come my life is unfairly treated.
Wonder how come i have to experience so many things.
Wonder is tmr the day that i will be back to become who i am.
Wonder will i really overcome everything and become the person i want to be not.

I already have no mood to work yet there is someone find there is a need to step on my tail.
Maybe normal day should be ok one. Maybe this period is my crucial time.

Somehow those guys that break up with gf will do the same kind of thing.
Maybe only for those i know.
Maybe this is the way the guy know this should handle this way.
A guy's instinct.

Talk to my new collegues today.
Indeed somehow he make alot of sense about life and relationship.
He have been with his gf for 8 years.
I really wonder i almost 1 yrs then i feel already so terrible.
Then what about him if he break up with his gf?
I can't imagine it.
One yrs of memories is enough..
Wat about 8 years of memories?
Is he/she able to move on?
I don't have the answer yet.

A relationship really need compromise..
it take two hands to clap to make it work.
A relationship that will last always go through up and down.
I mean they will have a period of time when it is very "sweet"
then after that it will become lesser "sweet".
After that, it will become "sweet" again.
It is like a routine.
Almost all the couples i encounter is like the same.
It will surely meet obstacles or what on the way to happiness.
The thing matter most is whether both of them are willing to hold on long enough or work together to achieve something.

"She" doesn't have the patience.
"She" chose what she feel is right for her.
I respect her.
I can't stop her.


I will mind talk every min every sec.
I will try damn hard to change my mindset.
Not sure how long it going to take..
But i will make sure i will be the person i want to be.

我不知道我还能去哪里。
记得有一句台词是跑步是能够把我体内多余的水分蒸发掉，
那样我就不会容易掉泪了。
我不知道自己除了哭，还能干什么。
情绪本来就是无处可寻的。空白。。。一片

I want to watch Dead Silence. :(

A past due movie that touched me.

Watched Cinderella Man borrow from hollywoodclick.
Awesome movie!

I was extremely touched by the way he fight back.
Was touched by the way he fight for his family.
Was touched by the way how his wife show support to him.

I love what he say below:
"I didn't always lose.
I won't always lose again."

So inspiration!

Anyway although his wife don't like and don't want him to fight...
he told his wife "I can only fight when you behind me support me"
And her reply is "I am always behind you."

I mean for his whole life even though they are living poorly.
Sometime need to really go outside street beg people.
Can't even feed their own children.
Everything is stacked against him.
Yet he can stand up again being a underdog that win the champion

There is sentences say by him
"If we can't stay together,
we've lost, we've given up"

This show how much he want to keep the whole family together.

For what has happened or what the situation they are in,
his wife never leave him and continue show support to his husband
Encourage him for whatever he do.
She give him a hug when he lost the fight.
She give him reward by kissing him when he win the fight.
It's as simple as that.

This is the kind of girl i want.
I don't need a girl to be pretty.
I don't need a girl to be great in figure.

I need a girl that will uncondtionly understand and show support to whatever i do.
A girl that never give up on me.
A girl that never say want go then go.
That's all.

如果你懂的只是一部分的我那么你也无法得到我的全部。

Have been raining recently.
At that moment,
i was thinking...
is the sky crying cuz of me...?

A Simple Test

Todae after running for 2.4km...
I did a small test.

I close my eyes trying to walk confidently from the start of 100m to the finishing line.

It was ok at first.

But as i walk...

I feel that there is a sense of insecurity.

It was like you are walking straight to a dark forest...

without knowing there are animals waiting to pounce on you...

without knowing there are trunks laying on the ground waiting for you to trip...

without knowing where the path you should go.

Knowing the feeling...

I immediately open my eyes.

That's when i know what is lacking of me now.

"Courage"

Having fallen once...

With all the unfamiliar scene in front of me...

I just lack the courage to move forward.

I afraid once i tried again..

I will fall again.

Lack the courage to do it.

I feel more safe in my own comfort zone.

I myself know i can't like that.

I must move away from comfort zone.

But i just lack the courage.

I did move.

Move right to left

Left to right.

Just didnt have the courage to move forward.

This is why i have been locking myside inside my world all these years.

When with her last time, at least i will dare to give it a try and do it.

This is because i know even if i failed and fall,

at least there is someone for me to fall on.

at least there is someone that can give me a hand.

at least there is someone know i am falling.

But she don't understand...

and chose what she think is the best.

It's ok.

I will be brave to take a step at a time.

I know it will be extremely hard and tough...

I know it will be extremely terrible feeling...

But No matter how long it take for me to cross the finishing line.

I will try.

No choice given to me at the time being.

Jia you, TGL!

I have faith in you.

闷着不说话会想哭,胸口好闷,泪水打转又硬生生吞回去......

就讓這首歌

Song by patty hou, mc hotdog and zhan zhen yue. :)

心结

Human's most fear is..
when inner self take control and become the master of you.

Have been fighting against "him" for almost five years.
I am the loser for most of the times.
This time round,
i will try my very best to subdue "him".

It will be a extremely close fight.
Don't know how long it going to take...
Don't know how many ppl will get involve...
Don't know who will get hurt most...
But the ulitmate winner will be me.



如果有心结只有解开才有重生的绽放
最糟糕的是不知道她的心结是什么.她只知道她总是让人操心,结果身边的人就愈来愈少了...

:(

Dream...

i have a dream...
I want to bring a bag with a camera and travel around the world...
I want to go places where there is
no television,
no car,
no computer/internet
no air con...


Soon i will go there...
- Planning in progess... -

Feel like watching "Dead Silence" movie...
Have been waiting for it to show for months.
Hmm....i guess i will wait till its dvd/vcd to come out. :(

这一代的我们在无知中行走,在茫然中堕落,到底什么是人生啊,害怕成长,希望一直做个小孩.

Ease memories

Fed up. Fed up about what happen to me. How long will it take? please the moment i wake up tmr morning..i will lose all my memories. thanks.

Song late midnite

See how she enjoy and putting all her passion when singing.

Listen to this song late midnight. So smooth and nice.

Like the singer. So talented. The way she hold on to her dream and insist to her idea. Doing and enjoy the thing that she like. No one can do it so easily. Maybe i can't achieve it so that's why i respect and admire her for her courage and her determination. Anyway her name is 陳綺貞(Chen qi zhen). All the chinese word that i paste in my blog is from her website. So meaningful. :)

25 Aug 07

Morning when i know that she is sick. Take one hour off to buy medicine for her. Put at her doorstep then faster go le. If not let her catch dao, then ah- di -du -ya. But yet in the end she know it (maybe this is what i have been doing when she is sick) and sms me when i reach office. Being told off by her. Anyway, i am doing it just cuz of concern. It is the immediate reaction when i noe you are sick. Hmm... Forget it.

At work, damn fed up. Already no mood to work. Then user keep nag nag. In the end i give them attitude and told them off. Haha. dunnoe will get complain ma. Heck care!

Anyway, todae meet xm, km, park, mel and weiwei to indochin for chill up and a session that allow me to talk. :) thanks man.

The environment was good. When i was walking around clark quey, i told myself that next time if i have a chance i will bring my gf here everyday. The environment is so nice and romantic. A good place to hang up with. Didn't have chance to do it cuz my ex doesn't allow to go out at nite.

Anyway, after that xm they all go zouk. Intend to join them but I have to send weiwei home. So no choice. Taking night bus to where she stay. After that, i wait at the bus stop intending to take bus back to clark quey and take nightbus there to my home. (only there have my bus back):( Alone sitting on the bus stop listening to emo song and watch all the taxi pass by. Feel so emo and sad. No money to take taxi. My last mth pay still not in. :( Left only 4 dollar in my pocket. Have no choice to call taxi hotline and ask them whether debit still can be used if no enough money left in bank. Hahaha..They don't get what i mean then keep saying "ok, so i will indicate you are using debit card". I keep asking them to confirm whether can still use debit ma. In the end the ans is no....

Bring weiwei out cuz noe that she is sad and need some fresh air... Then i start to wonder how come i also sad need someone to console in the end i am the one that console other. Haha. Don't ask me why. I also dunnoe.

I begin like to blog. Maybe this is the only way that i feel better after typing out. Even though if there is no one reading, after writing out i feel better.

“The forest is not going to change for the animals.No matter how sad you are, he might not even know or regret.”

“No one can be seen as the perfect one until both of you are laced together over time..and gain through love and life experiences to become the “perfect”. ”

Above two sentence is i grab from other blog. So true...

都不知道自己怎么了。
又恢复了从前的那个状态。
不能集中精神做任何的事情。
真的好讨厌这样的自己。
脑子除了空白还是空白的一片。始终不能下定决心做任何事情。
同桌也说我很摇摆不定。还真的是摇摆不定。
讨厌自己犹豫，讨厌自己想太多。
讨厌自己敏感。
想遇到一个人。
关于了解的。

Recently

Everything that have happened recently look like deja vu to me... It look familiar but somehow weird. Dunnoe is this month a sad month. Many people somehow have the same situation as me.

Cheer up wenns and regina. :)

心里很怕很怕，怕有一天我会撑不下去，怕有一天连我自己都不相信自己了，可是我依然选择了面对，这是我唯一的选择了...

:) :)

:)

什么都不想说。只希望一切好起来就可以了。

The Kill

song introduce by mel

Come, break me down!

:)

life doesn't always turn out the way i think. Maybe this is the only where i learnt how to grow up. Have to get up again everytime i fall down. Tired. Need rest. But, Time doesn't permit. Will continue walk.. walk to where i belong. Then maybe that time is the right time to rest.

Anyway, thanks frenz. Keep disturb you all. Nice to have you all. :)

All i can do now is to tell myself to be strong...
I will learnt...
I will try...
I don't have a choice...
Do you?


人,可不可以不要伤害?
什么时候可以做到?