Feel

After running 2.4km,
i have a sudden feeling...
I hate myself.
I hate life.
What to do?

My heart is filled with fear all that.
I hope someone can help or guide me.
But...
Who can i turn to?

Sometime i feel life is really unfair.
I work hard...
I put in effort...
But in the end life didnt favour me.
Compare with other..
those never really put in any effort.
Who can i blame?

Actually i just need someone to talk to...
Never give up on me no matter what...
But...
where are you?

I just want happiness.
No more playing hide and seek with me.
I am tired of it.
Can stop it?

I am lost...
Which road should i continue work toward to?

There are too many questions to be ans.
But...
where can i get the ans?

I hate regret.
That's why i have been doing things that are rational for these few years.
Everything that need to be done will go through my head.
Decide to buy or do things will take quite sometimes.
Cuz i afraid i do something wrong again.
How much i wish i can follow my heart and do things.
But i cant.
That's why i have been looking at other for inspiration.
E.g. Penny Tai and Chen Qi Zhen.
They have a skinny and small body.
But inside them,
they have such a great determination and passion.
They dun care abt fame all that.
Just do whatever they like.
Hang on to the thing they like.
Such courage and determination i am afraid to say i dun have.

I need happy go lucky friends or whoever to come inside my world.
I need you all.
I need you.
Please enter without fear.
Color my life with laughter and joy.
I will definitely appericate it very much.

I didnt really recover from the first fall in my life.
I am acting strong in the cover.
Maybe during that fall,
i dunnoe how to stand up.
That fall change my life completely and impact it alot.
I feel that i dun need anyone's help at that point of time.
Cuz i noe i myself can do it.
I noe i can stand up myself.
I dun want ppl to look down on me.
So i chose to keep everything to myself.
I hide myself behind the cloud.
I overestimate myself.

This time round...
i chose to let ppl know.
Cuz i hope they can help.
But...

I dun like to do things alone.
I dun like to watch soccer and shout alone.
I dun like to go out take mrt alone.
I dun like to keep everything inside my heart.

For those who have read my posts,
i know i am weak at the moment...
Give me time.
No matter how long is it,
i will be strong one.
I know it will be a painful road for me to walk.
Even i fall and get injury along the way...
i will still continue walk.
Because i dun want to let myself down.

TGL